I'm having a baby in 9 weeks, which is still a while but also is coming very fast. Bear will start work on or around February 18 at which point I will have only 6 weeks to go. I know that I am still allowed to travel at that point (right?) but this is a 26 + hour drive and I don't think my sausage toes and cankles could take it. They would swell to (even more) outrageous proportions and maybe never recover...Not to mention poor Sharky-pants stuck in a car for 3 days. And when we get there we'll have to search for a place to live.
Before Bear got this job offer I decided to stay in Idaho until the baby is born. I have found a doctor here, I'm registered at the hospital, my paper work from my Utah doc has all been transferred here. I stay here and relax, spend time with my family that I am about to leave, have a baby (Bear will be in attendance, hopefully) and meet Bear in Arkansas where he already has a home for us and has fallen into the groove of his new job (he's nervous, loads of new info and grown up shtuff to deal with). That sounds like a solid plan right?
BUT now my hubs, love of my life, is leaving me in 2 weeks and I am back to panic/anxiety mode. I was feeling good and prepared here in mom and pop's basement but I don't want to be without him for the next 2-3 months. So should I stay or should I go?! My fam is definitely pushing for me to stay, they want to get their hands on this precious baby girl bundle before we up and disappear into our new, foreign world. I'm not sure if they are even giving me the option of going. But being the adult that I have now blossomed into, I am free to do as I please. And half of me pleases to go with my husband and set up my house as fast as I can and get ready for baby, other half of me thinks it's way too much work. Not to mention where we are moving to is a pretty small po-dunk (is that a word) town and I don't know how close a hospital is that I would even want to have a baby at.
So I'm asking, what would YOU do? I've got to decide fast. And if you tell me to stay then you better be visiting me here in Idaho and showering me with goodies and well wishes and company to stave off my loneliness. Also, I don't want to hear any red neck comments from my fellow Idahoans, come on, we're from Idaho! If that's not the kettle calling the pot black, what is?
P.S. I am really happy that we got a great job and it's a huge load off the shoulders. I am excited about going to a new place and being a great friend and missionary to my new neighbors. I know Heavenly Father is sending us there for a reason and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I promise.
Hey! We will be moving to Dallas in a yearish! So we will be kind of close. This is a hard decision :(. I would say go, but I know that I would be hell for randy because I get so uncomfortable on car rides. And 6 weeks isn't a lot to find a house, get settled, find a hospital. I probably wouldn't do it. But I can see why you're torn. I couldn't be away from randy that long. But with Austin working and such, will he be around much to help you out? That's would be my thing. You don't want to go into early labor!! I say make a decision and pray. But you have to decide first. :( good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not much help am I? :)
My vote would be to not be away from my husband, but if Austin thinks he can come back for the birth of your little miss (and your doctor is willing to plan an induction) then I would stay in Idaho Falls. Having a baby without a husband is no fun!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all....HOORAY on the job! I was praying for you guys! :)
ReplyDeleteHere's my 2 cents. And, really I am just going to present my thinking on both sides if I were in your position.
First of all, is there a family member (preferably a helpful one...) from either fam who could come help when you have your baby for two weeks? Cause then you could move, be with Bear, and keep your sanity.
Logically, I would say, HELLO!--stay with your fam. You'd get SO much help and Bear could go get you guys established in a home/apartment before you bring a toddler and a baby across the country. You could focus on getting through the first couple weeks of having an infant again and getting yourself physically back to where you feel ok to take care of two kiddios.
But, you won't have Bear. And, it's crazy, but I totally agree, that one part holds about as much importance as all those pros. And, it is true, he is starting a new job and wouldn't be able to be around much to help anyway, and you'll both feel frazzled, but...it's hard to be apart. Your family could help ease missing him if you stay in Idaho, along with seeing Shelley friends. Plus, this might be an awesome time to spend with family (and for them to get to know baby!) before leaving them for a long time. And, it will feel like forever to be apart, but it is temporary -2 months- and you'll skype and talk on the phone every day I'm sure.
It might be a really hard time for you both if you move now, cause, I don't know about you, but I was overwhelmed and hormonal and cried a lot when my babe was born (and I had a mom there and only 1 kid!) and Patrick was working 40 hours a week and taking finals for 16 credits. he felt awful like he was abandoning me and I was cranky with him, cause I was so anxious. If it was you alone all day, you might just feel like a basket case and Bear might feel helpless cause he has to go to work and leave you, where as, with fam, though you'll miss your hubby bad, it might go smoother for you, baby, and Shark. (He'll get more attention with your fam while you are wrapped up in baby.)
What does Bear want? Is he open to either option? I probably would go if I could get a family member to help. Otherwise, I probably would wait. And, I would definitely pray about the choice...which I sure you already are.
But, either way, I wouldn't go with Shark until you have a place to live or stay. And, I'd fly. I would contact the r.s. pres in your future ward and seek some help finding a place to live, and maybe if someone could come and help you in your home, ladies to bring dinners, etc. This is NOT a time to be scared to ask for help. No pride.
Gosh, I sound so bossy. Everyone will survive and Heavenly Father will help your whole fam whatever you decide!
We were put in kind of a similar situation except I couldn't go to New York with Chad for work training and although it was really hard being apart from my husband, it was definitely a good decision for me to stay with my parents. And fortunately he made it back for the birth and was able to spend time with us before leaving again. It was rough, but it also helped me a ton because Chad got our new home settled before we came home. But being apart sucked, thank goodness for video chat and phones! But I was so grateful for my family's help! It was such a blessing having them around after having Taylor, when I was so down and out. Ultimately it's up to you, but I would suggest staying in Idaho and letting Austin get things a little settled before you bring your two babies down there. Also flying (however hard) is so much better than driving, mainly because it is a lot shorter! I'm excited for your family and all these new changes, good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteI know you've already made your decision obviously but here's my two cents. We moved three months before E was born. New state, new job, new house, me finishing school, him starting school, no friends, no family, no help. It. Was. Hard. Obviously the acid reflux didn't help but I feel like a lot of the struggles we had in the beginning could have been avoided. Some of these struggles affected B and E's relationship, mine and E's relationship, and mine and B's relationship in a very real way that took a long time for us to overcome.
ReplyDeleteAlso, being away from your spouse for any amount of time is hard and stressful and lonely. But I will say that the first two weeks are the hardest. After that you begin to find a routine and it does get easier. This is from experience being apart without any family around to help. I was blessed to find a friend that would take E off my hands a couple days a week and make me food once in a while that really helped. I also had a friend that forced me to work out with her every week and socialize with other adults. I couldn't have survived without them. But overall, being apart for a few months turned out to be the best for us.
But since you've already chosen to go my advice would be, make friends. At church, at the park, at local mommy and me groups, etc. Force yourself to find one or two ladies that you can rely on for help and support. They can save your life.