Homeless

I didn't want to write this post until I had some direction in my life but that is taking longer than I had hoped. Austin graduated in December which was awesome and exciting but after graduation come the job hunt. And it's a very important hunt with a wife and two kids depending on you. He is still able to work for himself as he did to get himself through school, but it's a very slow part of the season and he spends a lot of time job searching and interviewing and doesn't get to spend a lot of time on work. Not working=no money. In case that wasn't connecting for you.

About two weeks before Christmas I thought, "hey let's save that money we are going to spend on rent in January and go to my parents house a little early." I thought for sure he would have a job in the beginning of January which would mean moving, and we were headed to Idaho for Christmas anyway so we would just pack up our apartment and say goodbye. I know it's only the middle of January now but boy has this month been so slow! Austin has been interviewing like a mad man since the beginning of the semester and it has only picked up since graduation but everyone takes so long to get back to you afterwards! He has had interviews for jobs in Phoenix, Arkansas, Minnesota, California, Texas, Boise, and all over Utah. And now we just wait.

It's stressful for me because I'd rather not have my baby in my parents basement. I still haven't pushed my pride out of the way enough to say that we are living with them, but rather, staying for a little while (with no place else to go). I know something good will come our way soon, I would just love to find out  if we were moving to Arkansas or Minnesota TODAY instead of in two more weeks. I'm starting to make doctor appointments for myself here in Idaho Falls but I haven't decided whether or not to stay and have the baby here. We are getting down to the wire. If Austin gets a job out of state and doesn't move until the end of February or start of March, I will probably be stuck here having the baby. Alone. But I really can't do it without him. I remember when Oliver was born it was months before I could go to the bathroom or shower and get dressed without Austin home to help me. I STILL can't get ready without Austin here to distract Oliver for me. I couldn't clean, I couldn't cook. I was useless. How can I do that all over again plus a toddler without Austin? I can't. My parents will be here to help and support but they both have full time jobs and aren't home all day.

I need advice. My parents are thinking, if Austin finds a job and moves away, it will be a very stressful time and he could go alone and get settled in to a new place and get comfortable with a new job without crying babies and a crying mom to add stress. They think I should definitely stay here, have the babe and meet him "out there" in a little while. They have offered me their master bedroom with rooms close enough for Oliver and baby to have their own space but still be near me. They are very accommodating and want to make the transition smooth and easy on us.

BUT I don't spend a lot of time away from Austin and when I do, I miss him terribly! I was recently away from him for about 4 days and I didn't think I was going to make it. Add on some crazy post baby hormones and this could get messy. I also can't decide if it would be easier to move when I am 32+ weeks pregnant or with a 5 week newborn. I just want so badly to be "home" and decorating a nursery and deep cleaning the house in prep for the new baby. It's extremely hard to nest when you are homeless. I feel pressure to decide right now if I am going to stay put and have the baby or if I am going to have her elsewhere. I want to have some things set in stone, like the hospital we will deliver at and the doctor that we'll see. Not to mention that no job means no health insurance for Austin and the babies. I have insurance through my mom which is a huge financial blessing but Oliver cost us a pretty penny to be brought into this world and I imagine new baby will too. So I'd like a job before the end of March, is that too much to ask? A home and a job and some insurance and a housekeeper and ......... the list could go on forever.

We will make it work and it will be awesome no matter what happens. But encouraging words and advice will help it be awesome sooner. This post really was supposed to be about Austin's new job and an exciting announcement of where we would be moving to. Bummer. Maybe next week? Or the next? It's coming. Soon. I can feel it.