The most helpful and important gift a mother can give another mother is honesty. It's easy to post all the adorable pictures of your children being sweet and angelic and talk about all the milestones they've hit. I'm guilty of that! How can you not be, they make you so gosh darn proud! But there is definitely another side to the story that we don't always let other people see. That can be disheartening and discouraging to a struggling mother. I often find myself feeling like I don't do enough. My kids aren't dressed as nice or learning as much blah blah blah. I find myself apologizing to my husband every day when he gets home for all the things that didn't get done and the dinner that isn't made. Then I follow up with an explanation of all the ways I was productive that day. And he's left staring at me like " ..... Uh what? When have I ever complained about dinner not being done or dirty diapers lying by the back door?" And he thinks I'm a lunatic. Which I am. Because I'm playing this game of who's the best mom with the best kids.
I recently found a blog that I fell in love with because it is so honest and genuine and raw. It's found
here. I realized after I started browsing through past posts that mine and Austin's first home was next door to the author. We were in the same ward. I wish I had gotten to know her better. She is a great advocate for women and mothers and her posts always leave you feeling empowered and awesome. Austin was called to be her family's home teacher right before we moved and we walked over to say hello and meet them on Halloween and then moved out the next day. Bummer! Anyways, her post today (you need to read) was an honest account of a normal day with her children. I could go on and on about it but you just need to read it. Her message is basically that you are a better mother than you think you are and you are enough. So, I wanted to follow her lead and post an account of a fairly "normal" day in the LeBaron home. A confession, if you will. So if you are anything like me and find yourself feeling inadequate or lazy then this might make you feel better and maybe more normal. And if not, then don't tell me because that will just add to my insecurities. Ha ha. Let's all just agree to be supportive to one another. Girl power!
I should preface by saying that because of a series of unfortunate events, I haven't had a chance to get groceries since I have been home from my trip and our cupboards are completely bare. Although, empty cupboards are a pretty normal part of life around here when I start to think about it. Ha ha.
6:16 am Viv wakes up. I scoop her up and take her to my bed and coax her back to sleep for just a little longer. I rub circles on her forehead with my finger and watch her eyes roll back into her head. I spend a few minutes staring at her face before I fall back to sleep.
7:17 She wakes up again and poops. We get out of bed and change her diaper and get dressed (her, not me) we get back in bed and I read Facebook and blog posts to her from my cell phone.
8:25 Oliver up. He's peed through his diaper and soaked his pajamas. Diaper change and dressed (just him, still not me). We all three sit on Oliver's bedroom floor and tinker with some forgotten toys for a minute. We read through a Curious George book a few times.
8:37 Oliver demands to watch his favorite airplane show, a $5 educational children's DVD that Austin ordered from Amazon. I turn it on and wander to the kitchen to search the empty cupboard for some breakfast. Last nights left over pizza. He eats it and asks for more. There isn't more. I make him toast from the heel of the loaf. He eats it and asks for more. I make him the toe. He eats it and asks for more. There isn't more. Handful of Goldfish crackers. I catch a glimpse into my future, trying to fill a bottomless pit that is my son's stomach. The airplane show gets replayed 3 times during breakfast. It's short. Vivian eats Oliver's pizza crust and a few bites of pureed bananas.
9:35 Vivian naps. I know we HAVE to go grocery shopping so I use this time to take a shower.
9:55 Actually make it to the shower. Oliver wants in. He uses all his lower body strength to hip check me out of the water stream. I rinse the soap out of my hair and the suds wash into his eyes. He's crying. He's clinging to my leg. Guess I'm not shaving today.
10:13 Chasing and shushing a wet, naked, giggling toddler down the hall trying to wrap him in a towel.
10:17 Make bed because I remember how much Austin hates it when I don't. Oliver hangs on my back with his hands wrapped around my neck like a monkey. I shake him off so I can finish. I find him in the bathroom unraveling the spool of floss. Then remake the bed after a wrestling match.
10:35 Grateful baby girl has slept this long and I've been able to shower and get dressed. Squeezed into a pair of not pre-Oliver-pregnancy jeans but a pair of pre-Vivian-pregnancy jeans. Sweet. Progress. Oliver pulls at my hand until I pick him up. He wants to look at a family portrait of Austin's family and practice everybody's names. He surprises me with the uncles and cousins he remembers.
10:55 Start getting antsy for her to get up. Lunch time is coming and we really need groceries. Like really really need them. Grocery shopping has to be done under ideal conditions to prevent meltdowns and keep Ollie from taking bites out of everything I put in the cart. Kids must be well rested and well fed. Soon Oliver will be tired and hungry and our window of opportunity will have closed itself again.
11:30 Still asleep. Bed needs made. Again.
12:00 Oliver starts wandering the house yelling, "FOOD!" I wake up the baby. We have to go.
12:15 Get to the store. Vivian had a blow out in the car. No diaper bag. I can't turn back, she'll have to sit in it for a bit.
1:07 Self five! Made it home in one piece! Vivian cried all the way home. Then she cried while I
pulled every muscle in my body trying to get the groceries in the house in one load. That didn't happen. Peeled poopy clothes off the crying baby, doused them in Shout and threw them in the washer to wait for the next load. I sit down and nurse her to calm her down. Oliver blows a raspberry on her chubby bare thigh which makes me laugh and makes her cry again. Put naked baby in the Bumbo on the kitchen counter with a pile of Goldfish crackers while I put away groceries. I play Peek-a-Boo behind the fridge door and keep yelling, "yabba dabba doo!" because it makes her laugh. I love the way she stares into my eyes and laughs. Oliver makes off with 3 cheese sticks and two containers of applesauce so I guess he took care of his own lunch. He yells to turn the airplane show on and I say, "No, we've watched it enough today." Then almost immediately walk to the TV and press Play again.
1:30 I remember Oliver needs a nap. I put it off for a few more minutes while I check Facebook and Instagram. I call the lawn service. It's obvious they didn't come while I was out of town. We haven't bought a lawn mower yet and are even less motivated to do so since the people we've hired do a much better job than we ever could.
1:50 Remember again Oliver needs a nap. Tear him from the TV (airplane show) kicking and screaming and begging "No no no!" and plop him in his crib. Realize we forgot to buy juice at the store. I guess it's okay because I don't hear another peep.
1:55 I eat a hot dog and a grapefruit for lunch. Okay okay, this is a post about honesty after all, TWO hot dogs, a grapefruit and a handful of Nilla Wafers. I reach for a third hot dog but then think about this post and eat more wafers instead.
2:00 Sit down and turn on the TV. Vivian is rubbing her eyes so I take her to her own bed and put her down. The house is silent. I should load the dishwasher. I should fold the clothes that have been in the dryer for two days. I sit on the couch. I turn on the TV and start this post using my cell phone because we still haven't hooked the new house up with internet (1.5 months later)
3:28 Vivian wakes up. I lay a blanket on the floor in front of the TV so she can work on crawling while I lay next to her and watch a recorded episode of Saturday Night Live. I can't stay up late
enough to watch it when it originally airs.
4:00 Vivian starts squawking and yelling baby profanities at me for leaving her on her tummy so
long. We get up and taste some of the seasonal Blue Bell ice cream we got at the store. SNL still running.
4:53 I'm back in sweats. Oliver wakes up from his nap. Wants juice. There is none. He settles for milk. We go on a walk because we have to go outside at some point, right? He whines and makes a stink about which stroller to take. He hears a train in the distance that distracts him long enough for me to strap him in. We make it to the mailbox and he starts whining about not going to say hello to Millie, the neighbors dog. Check the mail. Bills. Add them to the pile. The sole of my sandal is falling off and it scuffs and drags with every step. I want to rip it off and throw it in the garbage. Oliver shares a toy with his sister and makes her laugh, which in turn makes him laugh. They hold hands in the stroller and talk to each other until Oliver loses interest and wants to play in some sprinklers we pass.
5:30 Usually by this point I am counting down the hours to bedtime but today has been better. I start thinking about dinner. Austin is volunteering at the High School for Engineering week and won't be home until later. The kids won't have seen him in 2 days. He leaves for work at 5:30 am. Since he's not here I don't put a lot of energy into cooking. We'll just have scrambled eggs.
6:32 Dinner is over. I turned on Christmas music really loud and started feeling sentimental so I let Oliver stand on a chair and taught him to crack eggs. Let him pour some milk and sprinkle some salt. It felt like a scene from a movie until he grabbed a brick of cheese and rubbed it through the raw egg splatter on the counter. Now I'm debating bathing the kids to pass the time and to spare myself from watching All About Airplanes again.
7:00 Bath won because I couldn't take one more second of the little twerp shoving the DVD in my face and yelling, "Airplane! Airplane!". NOW I'm counting down to bedtime. One more hour. I got this.
7:57 Both babes down just in time for me to sit down for one of my favorite shows, New Girl. Ahhhh. Peace and order is restored. Well, not order, yet. But I have made a personal goal to have the kitchen clean before bed each night so I'll get to it. And that's a wrap! Oh, and Austin is still gone. Still. Since 5:30 am.
I'm often asked what it is I do all day. What hobbies I do on my down time. This is it, folks. This is all I do. And however, mundane it might be, I love it. I love my kids so much and I am grateful to be able to stay home with them. This isn't our best day and it's certainly not our worst. It was pretty mild. There were fewer tears and fewer time outs than most days. My kids are sleeping peacefully in their beds with full tummies and in a warm home. A home full of love and laughter and sometimes a little crying and shouting. But they are safe here. They know they are safe. They are learning new things and growing by leaps and bounds every day. It is enough. I'm a good mom. And you're a good mom. And our children won't turn out to be fat, lazy slobs or serial killers. Hopefully.
