Nearing the Finish Line--Too Quickly

It's here. The 3rd trimester. I've been going along just fine, hardly remembering I was pregnant, and then this week I suddenly feel like I've run head first into a brick wall. I'm telling ya, I'm going down hill fast. And it's not pretty. Can someone make me feel less guilty about the neglect my children are suffering through? I mean, we all have siblings. I'm sure I suffered through spending my summer afternoons in front of the TV when my own little sister was being cooked up in the womb. And the kids aren't really complaining about all the meals made up of Popsicles and deli meat. So that's something. It's just that I nearly kill over if I have to stand around outside in the sun watching the little twerps throw rocks at each other (or eat the rocks). This too shall pass. But even though I'm suddenly feeling like a beached whale, I'm still very anxious about the arrival of the human inside. You see, for some reason, drastic life changes tend to happen at the end of my pregnancies. For instance, I'm homeless. And this feels way too much like deja vu. I'm 28 weeks and I have no care provider because I've been living in limbo all summer. I'll be moving to Texas with Austin in the next couple of weeks and will need to find somebody to deliver this baby pronto. I've tried to have some regular prenatal care and have seen a few different people to check on the life inside me. My pregnancies are uneventful so I'm not too worried about it. Only I am. I have nothing to worry about, I just hate not having that regular thumbs up from somebody who knows a lot more than I do about the baby growing business, and nobody to call if, heaven forbid, I had some kind of weird pain or just a question to ask! Thank goodness for Google, right ;) ?

Anyway, I haven't officially announced it because I don't want to jinx anything, but I think it's safe now to say that we have sold our house in Arkansas. What a huge blessing and relief. I know we've had such good luck because we are where the Lord wants us to be. Prayer is really such an awesome thing. It's amazing to have the guidance and direction and HELP of our Father through the Holy Ghost. I can't begin to describe how blessed I feel and how undeserving I feel of it all. God is good. He loves us all and watches out for us. I know it. Now, I need to stretch the help and prayers a little further and find a place to live, fast! I can't wait for all of us to be together again. I miss Austin. Mostly at bedtime when even the thought of wrestling the kids into the tub, into pajamas, and into their sheets totally exhausts me. They used to have a strict bedtime of 8:00 but all summer it's been closer to 9.... okay, 10. How can going to sleep be so much work!?

It's around this point in pregnancy where I start obsessing over what I imagine the baby will look like. So far my womb hasn't been very creative. It just made a copy of my husband and spit out two more of him. And they are perfect and adorable. How awesome would it be to have another that looked just like them? My own little pack of triplet minions. But how awesome would it be if little boy came out looking totally different (like me)?! Some big chocolatey brown eyes. Some hair would be nice. I hope he doesn't cry as loudly as his sister. She's got serious lung power. 

I'm excited to meet him but I've also been bombarded with negative thoughts like, "What the crap was I thinking having another baby?" I'm feeling so not ready for a newborn. I don't understand it, I've always wanted a large family and my other two were great babies but now I catch myself thinking, "Two is good." Well it's a little late for that! No turning back now. Strict no return policy. I'm sure when he gets here all will be well again and I will be back on board with having a baby. Because I'll have to be. I just start to worry about little things like, will he stay up all night long? Will he cry all the time? Will he survive one day with his two older siblings? They may carry him off and leave him somewhere and I'll never find him. Unless of course he cries as loudly as his sister. I'd hear him anywhere. I'm just nervous! That's okay, right? Can't blame me for cold feet. 

Now I feel obligated to add that despite my fears, I am so grateful to have #3 joining us. We love him already blah blah blah. There. 

I'll feel better when we get to Texas, find a house, unpack, things like that. Life will settle down and I will be less of a basket case. In the mean time, I will just continue to grunt and grumble as I hoist toddlers onto my hips and, right this second, stop Oliver from opening up a can of paint on the carpet in the living room. Gotta run!